The Godfrey Show

Tuesday links is a new feature where I react to whatever the trusty Google RSS Reader feeds me on that Tuesday. Tuesday links also needs a name. I’m open to suggestion. (And for that matter, I’m open to more comments on this blog in general.) Sometimes people ask me what I’m trying to get across with this blog. It’s certainly not limited to college sports or Ole Miss, nor is it a purely comedic affair or some kind of urban journal on the city of Nashville. It’s really just an ADD blend of all of that the occasional shot of safe-for-work boobage. Astonishingly enough, I’m still waiting for someone to pay me to do this.

Today’s “I’m lost in the goddamn suburbs for Thanksgiving and can’t find wireless” edition of “Tuesday Links” (see? It got official in only its second paragraph) is brought to you by Borders, where screaming infants and pony-tailed baristas are coloring my afternoon sunny. Also, it seems that America’s primary use for wheelchairs has shifted from the physically handicapped to the morbidly obese.

- Even in the midst of mediocrity Notre Dame can piss me off. ESPN’s one-trick pony “The Bottom Ten” has Notre Dame on its highly unscientific list of the ten worst teams in college football, except the Irish sit at an inarguably “just mediocre, not bad” record of 6-5 headed into the USC game. ND’s history does allow them self-delusion, but it doesn’t mean we have to buy into it. This insults all the not hard work programs like Washington and North Texas have put in all year long.

- SI’s Stewart Mandel confirms suspicions that Ole Miss’ punishment from the Sports Gods for trouncing LSU in Baton Rouge is a date with Texas Tech in the Cotton Bowl. The number you’re thinking of is 661, the amount of passing yards a far, far more inferior 2003 TTU team hung on the Rebels when these teams last met. And yes, 661 set a single-game record for D1, until TTU broke it 12 more times.

- Would you drive to Dallas for this? In case you’re wondering how you ruin an eight win season with wins on the road against two national champions and the biggest single turnaround since Christ rose from the dead, this is how:

- Damn, I lost twenty bucks: I had evidence of LSU’s Internet fan base displaying their sore loserness at least 24 hours after getting skulldrug by the Rebels (that feels so funny to say, yet so sexy.) Apparently they were slower on the trigger than anticipated, but they still came through with this nonsense. I was actually about 10 seats down from this kid at Tiger Stadium, and while extremely drunk and annoying, I doubt his penchant for penis. Ironically, I sat in front of a rather catty but entertaining gay couple cheering for LSU in the same section as this kid, but felt no need to parade a “HEY QUEER FANS CHEER FOR YOUR SKOOL” post on the Internet.

- I could have pounded out 2000 tired words about operating among the corndog nation for three days, or you could just check out Friends of the Program’s photo essay of a day in Red Stick and get the gist of it. Hey there, school sanctioned whores!

The capes keep it classy.

- And remember kids, I’ve been in Louisiana since Friday. You saw me there.

- CBS locks up the Atlantic 10 Mens’ basketball title game! Hey ESPN! You take that billion dollar SEC contract and your new BCS extension and you SHOVE IT UP YOUR TOOSHIES! How big is this? CBS wrote a full press release, that’s how big!

- Look look! Rolling Stone is talking about Mississippi and it has absolutely nothing to do with politics! And as a side note, I’m not firmly convinced that Akron, Ohio should be annexed as part of North Mississippi by sheer virtue of the recent work of the Black Keys. Two white boys in the Rust Belt are convincing young persons to put down those crazy text machines and learn about blues music.

- How can I love and hate Jeff Tweedy so much at the same time? This is how – He can’t smile for a picture with his own cult leader but yet by all reports we’ll have another full length studio effort from Wilco next year. Annoyed and satisfied, that’s how he leaves me. PS – Chicago sucks balls.

- Does anyone else remember 1999? That’s when a T1 Internet connection in your dorm room was a license to fucking steal, baby (thusly it was also the last year that any American male under 30 years of age paid for porn). I couldn’t imagine dealing with legislation preventing me from missing a mid term to monitor a 32-hour download of a pirated theatre recording of “Fight Club.”

- Sometimes people ask me why I moved to Nashville and doggedly refuse to leave after three years and nothing more than a job keeping me in town. The food is better in New Orleans, the family is in Jackson, my friends are largely still in Oxford, “New Country” is awful, I had to slog through a year-long long distance relationship until my lady could pull up stakes for the West End, and I spend most of my time writing about things related to Mississippi. So why the insistence on staying in Nashville?

THIS IS WHY, ASSHOLES. RICHARD BELDING IS COMING TO TOWN.

Have a good Tuesday.