The Godfrey Show

In the spirit of Finals Week on college campuses nationwide, I thought I’d revisit my bullshit antics of creating “media theories” for term papers over a storied and decorated six-year undergraduate career.

A lot of people in college claim that term papers are hard to write. They are, if you’re majoring in philosophy or any kind of field where you legally cut someone open or sue them thereafter. Anything else is a total joke. It might have taken me a gubernatorial term to chalk up a 2.0 degree in magazine journalism, but I was never short of bullshit. To show you how easy it is, this blog will offer a free term paper, usable in any 300-level mass communications course.

If I was still a wretched tax leech on the parental teat procrastinating even the simplest requirements of a 12-hour course load while inhaling takeout Mexican and building mp3 play lists, I’d likely crank out some bullshit like this. I bet you I could have turned this into a B- paper. Maybe higher if you deleted all the swears.

Steven Godfrey
Journalism 381
Insert Date Here (I used to date them two weeks ahead of the deadline, as if that was when I’d started and not four hours before)

The “blogosphere” is a bold new world of communication and commerce in its early, violent years of development. In just under a decade the Internet bloomed; what was once a medium measure by hypotheticals and holding zero legitimacy became the medium of preference seemingly overnight, spelling a fiscal doomsday for its suddenly antiquated print counterpart.

Consider effective blogging a mixture of the capitalist imperialism of the American railroads circa 1800s and the hedonism of the porn boom in the 1970s. In other words, no one’s really sure how to classify Internet communications in the era of new media. We’re at an even bigger loss as to how to create revenue from it, but if one maxim has surfaced, it’s that like anything else life, it really helps if you can provide a service people need and throw in a pair of titties. The titties are most important.

Above product, once nicknamed something childish like "a fine pair of store-boughts," are essential for the future of commerce and development in internet media. And possibly a flotation device as well.

Thus is the unrecognized genius of “This Is Saddawg Speaking.” I don’t know much about Saddawg. He posts frequently on Six Pack Speak, the definitive Mississippi State University sports message board. Over the years he’s tagged his posts with scores of photos featuring bikini-clad women deep sea fishing. That kind of blatant cheesecake earned him a message board following, so he parlayed his infamy to “This Is Saddawg Speaking,” a blog dedicated to two things – talking about Mississippi State football and posting pictures of nearly naked women fishing.

While the combination of commentary on SEC sports and softcore pornography featuring busty yet trashy economically disadvantaged women on a boat seems to be an odd fit, the content of this blog serves as a wonderful example of the blogosphere’s purpose: as an advanced form of communication with endless possibilities for content and a platform of delivery that’s renewable and ever-changing, blogs can respond to individualized thought patterns of consumer behavior.

As an example, I’ve included a serious of my own thoughts that occur on a semi-frequent basis. The following thought pattern occurs almost daily and usually in front of a computer:

1) I’m an Ole Miss fan, but I wonder what’s going on with Mississippi State sports.
2) I’d like to see some titties right now.
3) It’s December. The days are short and I miss summer. I’d like to see those titties on a boat out in the blue water and balmy sun.
4) I’ve always liked fishing. Can we get titties involved in that somehow?
5) I’m lazy, even by the lax standards of the E-Generation. Can I access a single web page involving MSU sports, boats and lots of titties?

Sure enough, this unlikely (yet wonderful) combination fills a void that was previously unknown and finds an audience. Plus, the combination of old pictures of football and boob shots is the single most potent natural testosterone enhancement legally available.

Don’t believe me? Stare at this:

And now stare at this:

You just grew 10 chest hairs. Unbutton your shirt and look. That newfound urge to punch through drywall can be entertained if you 1) measure for studs and 2) put down a security deposit. However, the sudden preference for nu-metal ballads by bands like Shinedown must be suppressed at all costs.

Aside from unexpected medical benefits, certain blogs are redefining antiquated categories of “news,” “entertainment” and “information.” What we’re learning about the era of new media is that everything is finding a niche, a theory my former professor Samir Husni labeled “The Audience of One,” wherein media will evolve to cater specifically to each individual consumer. Dr. Husni’s theory was aimed at the magazine industry, but this was before personalized home pages and RSS feeds accelerated the idea of a news source built speficially for one person.

“This Is Saddawg Speaking,” or as it’s sure to become referenced as in our ADHD epoch, “TISS,” does not fufill my audience of one, but it’s close. I do wholeheartedly agree with Doc Husni – one day we’ll arrive at such a point of media saturation that everything will be geared directly towards each one of us.

But while I’m still waiting for my first issue of “Superhero Deathmatch Microbrew Review and Busty British Models Quarterly: SEC Football Preview Edition with BONUS handgun buyer’s guide” to arrive, TISS fills part of that gaping void.

I should really take the GRE.