My, what a wonderful picnic.
Listen here to a clip of the Internet-only broadcast of the University of Southern Mississippi’s “Black and Gold” spring football game Saturday afternoon, in which topics ranging from sex with inanimate objects to racial slurs go flying.
The conversation is NOT among the radio play-by-play crew – it’s between employees of WXRR Rock 104. However, for reasons unknown, their idle chatter (ranging in topic from horse cocks to toilet paper quality, see below) was carried over Internet feed of the USM broadcast. Luckily, it didn’t make the terrestrial Southern Miss Radio Network, because the FCC fine worthiness of this bad boy would ring up a fine in the 11-figure range.
The university has issued an official apology from Blakeney Communications, their radio provider, and says that the staff in hand were severely reprimanded, although after listening all the way through you’ll agree that punishment might be just the kind of kinky foreplay these Godless animals are into.
If you aren’t inclined to listen to the entire 31 minute clip – which could have been lifted verbatim from any 31 minute conversation among fourteen year old boys nationwide – here’s a fun summary posted, courtesy of CapitolHillRebel on Nafoom, who aptly noted we are “witnessing the birth of an Internet phenomenon, and we should consider ourselves privileged.” Indeed…
Just to recap for the public record:
-The three gentlemen expressed their collective desire to “stick their [genitalia] in” various objects.
-One of the gentlemen had sex with a picnic table, but could not describe how precisely this was accomplished.
-One of the gentlemen used to copulate with his bed.
-One of the gentlemen uses his bathroom towels for illicit purposes.
-One of the gentlemen made some reference to Homer Simpson performing an illicit sexual act upon him.
-He stated that he used to “walk around his room just looking for anything that” he “could stick his [genitalia] in.”
-The gentlemen debated which of various household chemicals smells most like semen.
-The gentlemen debated whether Shane is gay. During the discussion, one of the gentlemen belched loudly.
-”Brandon,” who “works at the radio station” was advised not to hang around with a “dude”–possibly Shane–who may be gay.
-The gentlemen debated whether having sexual relations with fat girls is against the law.
-The gentlemen discussed using various methods of birth control as a pretext to perform certain sexual acts which their partners might otherwise frown upon.
-One of the gentlemen (thankfully) expressed his desire never to have children.
-The gentlemen debated, for the public record, which of various local skanks is hottest.
-John Cox asked the gentlemen to “play the post-game billboard.”
-The gentlemen debated whether EVERYTHING THEY HAD SAID UP TO THAT POINT HAD BEEN BROADCAST LIVE, but concluded that it probably hadn’t, and noted that John Cox had “said worse stuff.”
-One of the gentlemen recounted stories of John Cox allegedly ogling women in the seats at sporting events. He recounted a story about Cox and a woman in a cheerleader outfit.
-The gentlemen discussed their plans for the evening. One of the gentlemen belched loudly.
-One of the gentlemen noted that he enjoys sitting on the toilet for long periods of time. Another gentleman expressed disapproval for toilet paper purchased from Dollar General.
-One of the gentlemen expressed his belief that “we’re going to kick the sh** out of that n****r college.”
-One of the gentlemen identified himself as “Brandon Blakeney of B95″
As an Ole Miss fan, it’s tempting as it is to wag a finger at the Southern Miss fan base after years of enduring barbs about racism and elitism from the Hardy High loyalty club. But this really could have happened to anyone’s team, and no, it isn’t indicative of the USM fan base as a whole.
Having worked as a journalist in the Hub City, I can say that there are a lot of fine, upstanding folks at USM and in the greater Hattiesburg community.
There also exists a subculture of people who fuck patio furniture.
For those of you who listened online and never got the result, the Black team beat the Gold team in a defensive struggle, 18-15.
Worked shoot?