The Godfrey Show

You cannot possibly understand the AP Poll. There now.

Folks, it’s dismissed as the “goddamn AP poll” during internet arguments for a reason, with its schizoid math as the primary factor it should be ignored at all costs when attempting to prove a point. The Rebels were blasted from #4 to #21 after losing by six points on the road in conference play to a winning team while #5 Penn State was gently wrapped in swaddling clothes and laid down ten spots after a stern talking-to and no sweets for a week. Ten spots = Absolutely pantsed at home on ABC by a team that used the Dark Arts to escape Northern Iowa when every possible intangible from weather to coordinated clothing swung their way.

That non-math alone should negate any worth in the collective opinion of American sportswriters. Stop thinking about it this instant. Don’t invest any more effort into understanding these numbers or the newspaper men who calculate them, for your brain will cramp and your hairline will recede at an even more accelerated pace (it’s a fact!). Right now the average sports writer’s sole concern is finding another enhanceable storyline to trumpet over the SEC/Big 12/USC triumvirate in the wake of freak implosions by the Nittany Lions and Miami. That, and justifying an inverted food pyramid top heavy with chicken tenders or finding that elusive pair of elastic banded dress chinos available in 42/30 for under $20.

Currently a toothless LSU squad is sitting exactly where Ole Miss was, and will no doubt face at least some of the same criticisms when either Georgia and/or Florida strips them naked in the dead of night very soon. Expect PSU to climb right back up the ladder over the next three weeks of pushover games until they travel to Michigan.

Hell, Oklahoma is merely 2-1 and still hanging on in the Top 10 despite the fact that (take a deep breath) a South Florida squad with resume wins over Wofford, WKU and Charleston Southern handled the Florida State team that escaped embarrassment against Jacksonville State only to thump the shit out of the BYU team that was justified in upsetting OU because they were a national championship darkhorse. Remember that? That was a month ago, or 17 memes if you’re measuring in blog time. When Cincinatti beats USF in three weeks on Thursday night, it’s best we crown them national champion before the Logic Police show up and taze everyone.

This system is totally fucked up and subject to the fickle whims of journalists and coaches – and we’re all pretty sure the coaches are either having their secretaries do it or just lying their fucking asses off, since they can’t possibly watch games and coach on the same day. None of this is breaking news, it just seems current for a fan base of a team that hadn’t sniffed single digit air since smoking was permitted in prenatal wards. In 2009 Ole Miss didn’t do shit against shit all while looking like shit until they lost on national television, yet they were #4. That’s just as fucked up as the aftermath.

On a side note, I’ve always enjoyed the antics of Steve Spurrier and friends, and since we’ll need to cheer our asses off for their continued success the rest of the way (look at Virginia Tech’s “support” of Bama in their own mutated national title campaign), I’m a little bit calmer about this whole disaster.